Wedding Season is Upon Us: The Dos and Don'ts of Wedding Toasts
The 2025 wedding season is officially kicking off (at least for me next week), and I couldn’t be more excited! We all love to complain about weddings—how they take over our weekends, how much it costs to get there, the struggle to find something to wear, or needing to take a day off work. But let’s be honest—you’re not complaining when you’re four margaritas deep, barefoot on the dance floor, living your best life at some venue you never would’ve gone to otherwise.
I love weddings. I love love. I love sampling every signature cocktail and making sure I don’t miss a single cocktail-hour appetizer. I love watching the couple on the happiest day of their lives. And, perhaps most controversially, I love the speeches.
If I don’t know the couple well then the speeches give me a chance to learn more about them from the people who know them best. If it’s a couple I do know well, it’s fun to hear stories I’m already familiar with from another perspective.
I’ve written two maid of honor speeches, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I don’t hype myself up about much—honestly, I think I’m pretty average or terrible at most things. I don’t even think I’m that great of a writer. During my two years getting my MFA in Creative Writing, I was constantly waiting for someone to ask how the hell I got into the program or, worse, tell me I didn’t belong there.
But when it comes to heartfelt, slightly cheesy wedding toasts where I get to hype up my favorite people? I thrive.
Was my actual delivery good? Definitely not. At my sister’s wedding, I cried for half an hour beforehand because I was so nervous and made my brother stand next to me “in case I couldn’t get through it.” (Shoutout to my dad’s beta blocker for coming in clutch—I now have my own prescription, don’t worry.) At my friend Helene’s wedding, I learned from my mistakes and did better. Sure, I didn’t move my hands once and read straight from my printed-out speech, but I still crushed it. People complimented me all night (even if they were just being polite), and I left that weekend in Newport thinking, Should I be a speechwriter?
If you’ve been following along with my writing style, you can probably see why wedding toasts are my sweet spot—they require a perfect mix of humor, sincerity, and sentimentality without going too over the top.
Would I want to actually give a toast at your wedding? Not really—see: stage fright. But will I write a pretend speech in my head? Absolutely. And will I 100% judge the toasts at your wedding? Yes. I’m sorry, but that’s just the writer in me.
(Clara and Emily if you’re reading this - please ignore the list. You two definitely don’t need to listen to me and will be amazing next weekend. Love you both).
Here’s some advice/do’s and don’ts for wedding toasts that nobody asked for:
Wedding Toast Dos and Don’ts
Don’t forget to introduce yourself - this seems silly but people sometimes forget and then the whole time I’m distracted trying to figure out the connection. “Is that his uncle?” is a real question I asked Paul halfway through someone’s toast.
If you’re nervous about giving the toast - don’t mention that you’re nervous. Speaking from personal experience, this will only make you more on edge. Fake it till you make it.
Don’t forget to thank whoever is hosting/paying for the event - this is just polite
Don’t roast the bride or groom too much. You might think it’s funny but this isn’t the time or place for them...some light roasting is fine but remember the groom's family is there and grandma doesn’t want to hear about the time the groom shot gunned a Four Loko and passed out
Don’t make it too one sided - if the bride is cooler than the groom everyone there already knows it and we don’t have to harp on it.
Don’t talk about yourself too much. Yes we want to know your connection to the couple but this isn’t about you
Don’t sing. For the love god don’t sing your toast. I will accept a poem but that’s it.
Don’t make it too long. You will lose people’s interest. Aim for 3-5 minutes.
Try to avoid reading from your phone
I love a good call back at the end of the toast. Bring something back in from the beginning. People love when things come full circle.
Don’t over explain things - the toast is ultimately for the couple so if they get the reference you’re making that’s enough. Don’t get bogged down in the details.
End with a final cheers - if you forget to bring a glass up don’t panic - almost every time there’s somewhere there to hand you one or you can just raise your hand in the air.
At the end of the day, who am I to give unsolicited wedding toast advice? No idea. But this is what’s been rattling around in my brain today, and maybe it’ll help someone.
And most importantly—besides the couple, no one is going to remember your speech unless it was really bad. So don’t overthink it.
Happy wedding season! 🥂